Dawn: The Dark Side of the Moon Series, Book 3
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: Dawn. The end and the beginning. The final chapters of what came before. Poor decisions lead to situations that aren't easily changed. Leo and Mikey are in deeper than before, and the others might not be able to help this time. Something must be done before it's too late. (Rated T for probable language and definite adult themes.)
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

The air was silent and still. No lights cut through the darkness surrounding him. It was the perfect setting for a good night's sleep. But sleep would not come to the former leader.

Leo had been tossing and turning for the better part of five hours and his mind refused to stop spinning. He sighed again and rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.

_"Look at us, Leo. We're really messed up, aren't we?"_

"Yes, we are," he whispered into the inky black of the bedroom. "We are - _I _am - and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to get better."

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he sat up, flicking on the bedside lamp just as the door opened. Raphael stood on the other side looking haggard and weary. "Don and I...um...we've been talking. About everything, I mean. And we...well, he wants you in the living room."

Dread curled in Leo's gut but he followed his twin downstairs anyway, where Donnie was holding court on the worn out couch. "Where's Mikey?"

"Still asleep," Raph replied quietly. "I checked on him about ten minutes ago and the kid's sacked out. I didn't want to wake him."

_Probably smart. _"What's this about, Don?"

The genius sighed and met Leo's gaze, and the latter couldn't help but shiver a little. Those chocolate brown orbs couldn't conceal the hurricane underneath - whatever was about to happen wouldn't go over well. "Something has to change. This situation keeps getting worse, and either it somehow magically fixes itself or you two do something and I won't be able to save you." He swallowed. Took a breath. "We're taking away all the blades around here, Leo."

A heavy weight settled onto the blue-banded turtle's shoulders and his heart climbed into his throat. _No, they can't seriously be considering... _"What does that have to do with me?"

He got no reply. Those eyes bored into him, like they were peering into his very soul.

A cold sweat broke out on Leo's brow and he shook his head. "No, Donnie. No. I haven't...I would never-"

"The temptation is there," Donnie cut him off gently. "It's always there as long as they are."

"I haven't even _touched _them since we came up here! They're still hanging on the wall upstairs!"

"Right. Upstairs, where we can't see if you use them or not."

Helplessness washed over Leonardo and he turned to his other sibling. "Raph, come on. You guys can't be serious." The brawler just looked at the floor. Leo shook his head in disbelief. "You're both okay with this? Really? Does Mikey know?"

"We've already confiscated the kit. It's just another step to healing you guys." It wasn't an answer and Donnie knew it. "Leo, it's not forever. Just...just until you're on the mend."

_And how long is that going to take? _the turtle wanted to scream. _How long until you've deemed that I'm "okay" enough to own what's mine? _He'd earned those katana through years of blood, sweat, and anguish. He'd poured his soul into them...and now they were being ripped away.

"Leo, please...don't make this any harder than it already is."

Hot tears stung at Leo's eyes and he shook his head, backing up slowly. "No. No, you can't...I won't..."

"Leo-" Raph reached out for him but missed. "Bro, come on. We're trying to help."

But his pleas went unheard as the front door slammed; the last syllables evaporated into the air and the two remaining brothers blinked at each other in shock and distress.

By the time that they ran outside, Leo was long gone.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Mikey was angry.

No, strike that. He was_ livid. _

Twin spots of red colored his cheeks as he stormed past his brothers onto the front porch. Raphael made to grab his shoulder but he jerked out of reach.

"Mike, come on, we said we were sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time!" the orange-banded turtle yelled, whirling to face him. "Leo's gone, and for all we know he isn't coming back! I know _I _wouldn't!"

Raph and Donnie both flinched but Mikey didn't look the least bit repentant. Instead, he stomped down the stairs and collapsed in a seething pile on the front lawn - arms crossed, scowl on his face, blue eyes turning cold. "Mikey," Donnie began tentatively, "We really were trying to help him."

"That's not the way to help him and you _know_ it, Donatello!"

The words were like a slap to the genius' face. Mikey _never _used his full name. Ever. "But-"

"It would be like taking your lab away from you if you were in a similar situation. If the thing you loved the most, put the most effort into, spent your whole _life _working on were taken away from you, how would you react?!"

"Well, I-I would understand the reasoning behind it and try to cooperate as best I could."

"Bullshit." Mikey fixed that icy gaze on his older siblings again and Don shivered. The youngest turtle was _terrifying _when he was angry. "You're afraid you're going to lose him," Mikey said, in a voice so quiet and deadly and sad all at once, "But if you take away those swords, you already have."

Michelangelo didn't make dinner for his brothers that night, or the next, or the next. He figured that if they could try and "fix" their oldest brother, then they could fix meals for themselves.

Leo, for his part, didn't come home for the next four days - days in which his remaining siblings were constantly morose and on-edge. Donnie sat in the barn and wondered where it had gone so wrong. His experiments sat untouched, a sign that he was truly at a loss.

And Raph...Raph locked himself in the bathroom and sat on the same stool he'd claimed so long ago, when his leader had been near death for those three long months. A second time now, Raphael had tried and failed to keep Leo safe. But this time, it wasn't a failure to keep him safe from the Shredder or the Kraang or even Savanti Romero. This time, it was a failure to keep him safe from his own brothers.

On the morning of the fifth day, Mikey was sitting on the porch swing, staring out at the forest into which his entire world had disappeared. His eyes stung with tears, not for the first time that week, and he allowed his shoulders to slump as another wave of sadness hit him.

_Please come back, Leo... I need you to come back. I can't do this without you._

The light crunch of leaves drew the turtle's attention and his gaze snapped to the left. From around the corner of the barn emerged a familiar figure, looking pale and tired but not really the worse for wear.

Days' worth of tension and worry drained from Mikey's body and he was across the yard in seconds, crying into a scarred plastron as strong arms slipped around his trembling frame and pulled him even closer.

"Leo...Leo-"

"Shh," the older ninja whispered, smoothing a callused, gentled hand across Mikey's head. "I'm okay, _ototo. _I'm okay, I promise."

"You l-left me," Mikey accused, lower lip trembling in hurt and anger and relief. "You left me here and...and-"

"I'm sorry, Mike. I just...I couldn't..." Leo blinked back tears and drew in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

Old floorboards creaked as someone placed weight on them, and Leo looked up to see his other siblings watching with unreadable expressions.

Donnie cleared his throat, shuffling a bit uncomfortably. "Leo, we...we need to talk."

**A/N: To all of my amazing friends on here who've been waiting for me to update just_one_ of my stories... I am so sorry. I know it's been about a month, and i didn't mean to be gone that long. It's just...this semester of college has been kicking my butt and I've been really exhausted lately. It's no excuse, I know, and I'm really sorry. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The crackle of the fireplace was the one noise that broke the horrible silence the living room had fallen into, but the usually cheerful sound brought little comfort to two guilty Hamato brothers.

"...well?" Leo said finally, crossing his arms. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

Donnie winced and at least had the good grace to look abashed. He glanced at Raph for help but found none; the hothead was too busy staring at an oddly-shaped stain on the rug. "Raph and I- we were talking and...I mean...what I'm trying to say is-"

"Oh for fuck's sake," Raph burst out, raising his head to fix his twin with a raw, pain-stricken gaze. "We want you to get better, Leo. We want you to be_ happy. _If taking away your katana is gonna hurt you like that, we'll find another way, but we- I can't lose you again. Please." Raph's voice was hoarse and cracking by the end of his speech but none of them commented on it. He stood and carefully, slowly approached the blue-banded turtle.

Leo stood stock-still as his brother's arms encircled him. For a long moment, the former leader didn't even _breathe_.

And then his shoulders started to shake and tears spilled down his weathered cheeks and he buried his face in Raph's shoulder and_ sobbed._

"I'm sorry," he blubbered, the words nearly indecipherable between his shaky breaths. No one knew what he was sorry _for_, but it didn't really matter because he was_ here_ and he was _alive._

A strangled laugh ripped from Raphael's throat. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I know how much those damn swords mean to you and I was gonna go through with it anyway."

"You're an asshole," Leo mumbled.

"Yeah, fine, I'll allow it."

Across the room, Mikey and Donnie laughed, wetly, and Mikey rested his head on his genius brother's shoulder, and somehow they all knew that everything was going to be alright.

* * *

"Hey, Leo?"

The turtle in question raised his head from his pillow and fixed his cobalt gaze on Mikey. "Yeah?"

"I'm glad you came back."

Leo smiled a little - a real smile. "I am, too," he replied, wondering where this was going.

"...I didn't think you would," the orange-clad ninja admitted after a minute. "I mean, I wouldn't have blamed you; The guys were being total jackasses."

"Don told me how you went off on them. And how they ate peanut butter and jelly for _days._"

It was Mikey's turn to look up now, but he found no judgement on his brother's face. In fact, it looked like there might be a twinkle in Leo's eyes. "Yeah, well...I was pissed. Figured they could try and fix their own food, if fixing things meant that much to them."

"They mean well. You know they do. Don just...if he sees a problem, he has to fix it."

"We're not problems to be fixed, Leo."

"But we do _have_ problems, Mikey. You said so yourself."

There was a long pause, as if the younger turtle was trying to form a response. When he finally spoke again, the words were quiet and edged with a raw sadness. "...I know."

"Sometimes I... Sometimes I think that we won't ever get better like they want us to."

Mike laughed, but it was a harsh, mournful sound. "That's because they want us to be the way we _used _to be, and they don't realize that we _can't_."

_Nothing will ever be the same_

. The words echoed in the room without being said, and the two brothers fell silent once more.

By the time Leo finally found the courage to respond, Mikey was already asleep.


	4. Chapter Four

**Four.**

Despite the olive branch that had been extended the previous night, there was still an enormous gap to bridge between the four brothers.

Specifically, between Mikey and his older siblings. He still hadn't quite forgiven the brains and the brawn of their little team for the stunt that they pulled earlier in the week, and to be completely honest, forgiveness probably wasn't an option at the moment.

"For the hundredth time, Raph, I'm not taking antidepressants!"

A stubborn Donatello was scary, but a stubborn Raphael was just annoying - and in _way_ over his head.

"Look, why don't you just give them a try?" the red-banded turtle urged, holding the bottle out so his youngest brother could see it. As if Mikey didn't know it was there.

Mikey's eyes blazed and he ripped the pills from Raphael's hand, then chucked them across the room, where they hit the opposite wall and left a dent the size of his fist. "Medication doesn't solve every problem, Raphael! For the love of-"

"Stop acting like a child!" the hotheaded ninja snapped, finally fed up. Subtlety was not in his nature, but helpless anger _was_, and his emotions had been building for weeks.

"I _am _a child!" Mikey roared back. "And you trying to shove pills down my throat isn't helping anything!"

"Maybe it would help more if you'd stop being so pigheaded and actually try to get better!"

"I don't need advice from someone who can't even control his temper for a few minutes!"

"You do need advice! You need_ help, _Mike! You're _sick._ Don't you understand?!"

Mikey stopped, then, and the fire in his eyes died as his voice went cold. "Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, I do understand."

The younger ninja turned and left the room without another word, and Raphael was alone, silently fuming and wondering how it went so wrong.

* * *

Leo found his baby brother under a lump of covers in their shared room. "Mike?" the former leader called gently, knocking twice on the doorframe.

The blankets and pillows did not move, but they _did_ grumble a reply.

Leonardo took that as an affirmation and stepped cautiously into the room. "I got worried about you earlier. I haven't seen you all afternoon." No answer from the lump. "Did it have anything to do with Raph? He looked pretty pissed."

_That _did it. Mikey's head shot out from under the blankets, allowing his oldest brother to see all that he was trying to conceal - red-rimmed eyes, tearstained face, and the absolute misery of his expression. "He's an asshole," the freckled turtle said, as if that explained everything.

"Ye-es," Leo replied slowly. "We already covered that."

"No, I mean-" Mikey huffed and scowled. "Forget it."

"What did he do to you, little brother?" The older turtle's voice was soft. Cajoling.

And after a long moment, Mikey caved. "He tried to shove pills down my throat. Stupid freaking antidepressants."

"Ah," was the only response that Leonardo could offer.

It was not enough. "That's all you've got? Seriously? No words of wisdom? Just 'Ah'?"

Leo blinked, not expecting that much anger. "I-"

"You're on their side, aren't you? Now that they've played nice and given your swords back, you're all good."

"That's not true! I don't agree with the way they're handling things, but Mike, they're only human!"

_"No they aren't!__"_ Tears filled Mikey's eyes now and spilled down his cheeks. _"None_ off us are! Why can't you guys see that?! We're- we're freaks and monsters and we're trapped in a constant cycle of depression, and there's nothing left for us except more darkness! And I don't understand how you can be _okay _with that, be okay with the _pressure _and the _guilt _and...and-" His voice broke, and when he spoke again the words were almost inaudible. "And I'm just..._tired, _Leo. I'm so tired of fighting to be here. Why couldn't they just let me go?"

"Oh, Mike..." Leo's heart shattered as he took in the absolute misery on his brother's face. _I don't know how we'll get through this but we will. I promise._


End file.
